“I’ve hit rock bottom. At this point, I’m desperate to try something different that could bring some light.” – Blanca
Blanca has recently walked through the journey of divorce but has found healing. Watch this powerful video in which Blanca shares her story and encourages you to stay strong when life throws you obstacles! We encourage you to hear what Blanca has to say about how she found healing in this one-of-a-kind Healing Out Loud video.
View this video with Blanca and other Healing Out Loud videos in this YouTube Playlist.
With going through a divorce, the tornado, the storm felt so big that I’m like, “I’m going to get destroyed by this.”Blanca
I felt like a little girl again. It brought a lot of these emotions back. I always say when I talk about my story that my parents divorced when I was very young, and my dad kind of had his journey. He was addicted to drugs and just kind of in a rough place.
I always say I feel like that’s where the seed of insecurity was planted.
The seed of insecurity was planted
The brokenness that I faced as a little girl dealing with sexual abuse for many years, and the effects that that had on me now as an adult, there was so much brokenness there. And then I get into a marriage without healing, without counseling, without facing these issues and expecting, because I love Jesus, and my marriage is, I try to do things right, that it’s just going to go away.
It brought a lot of these emotions back and just put a light on these holes that I felt that I had inside.
So going through that process number one, just in general as a woman was very vulnerable and very scary. But then as a Christian woman it was like “where do I go? Well, where can I turn? I already feel like I can’t trust anyone.” Then it’s like but how do you open up about something and talk through some of these things when you feel a lot of shame?
There was this strong feeling of either unworthiness or just self-doubt that started to creep in. And then with different things that occurred in my childhood, it just reinforced this narrative that there was some part of me that was insignificant or unworthy not enough.
So I need to start figuring out how to break these things down to find where God is in this and what the truth is. Because right now it all just feels very cloudy. I needed God to kind of guide me. This is going to be a trial and error, basically.
I’ve hit rock bottom. At this point, I’m desperate to try something different that could bring some light.
Blanca’s journey through counseling
Thank God I started counseling. I had this narrative in my mind that counseling was a waste of money. Why would you talk to someone so that they can tell you what you want to hear?
Even the storyline within my marriage with my husband’s parents being pastors was he saw counseling within the church community of people coming in and just issues and problems. And he’s like, “There’s nothing wrong to that extent. We don’t need counseling.”
So there was already a negative vibe when it came to doing counseling. But my counselor who is also a pastor was just so wise and was able to see things so clearly and protect me, but also get me ready for the different stages of divorce. The different stage stages of grief. And that was life-changing for me because I think I was able to find my voice again through that process.
God uses the good, bad, and the ugly
I think we live in a very fallen world and things happen that are out of our understanding.
But I do know that he uses it all. He uses it all.
Like there’s not one tear that goes unseen. There’s not one broken moment, prayer, whatever you think of in your most broken moments that goes unseen by Him. He uses it all in some way for the good.
And even me now I’m speaking about things that a year, two years ago, I would’ve never told you there could be any good that can come from this place. But there was. There was so much good that came from such a painful place.
There was so much good that came from such a painful place.Blanca
So if you are a person that finds yourself in the middle of brokenness, of shame, of pain, of just any of these things that we’ve been talking about in our own healing journey, know that there’s hope there. There’s good there that God can use all of it and turn it around for something good.