Feel Like You’re Not Enough? You Need to Hear this Testimony from Casting Crowns’ Mark Hall.
Mark Hall, of the Christian band, Casting Crowns, shares how the lack of self-worth in his life took him to very dark places. But the story doesn’t end there! He shares how God used an alternative rock station to pull him out of that darkness and save his life.
**Please note that some of the material in this video may be sensitive to young ears.
In this one-of-a-kind Healing Out Loud video, Mark from Casting Crowns not only vulnerably shares about his battle with low self-worth and learning disabilities but also how God rescued him from a very dark place in his life.
View this video with Mark Hall from Casting Crowns
and other Healing Out Loud videos in this YouTube Playlist.
“You’re not quite enough for what everybody else is.”
I was in about third grade, and I was in public school, and my mom told me we were going to go get some tests done at the school. I’ll never forget the day listening to the counselor talk to my mom like I wasn’t there, saying that “He’s not keeping up.” And I didn’t understand the language, but I understood the heart of it.
You’re not quite enough for what everybody else is.
And I bought it. I believed it from that point on.
So when I was in school, I could be in class with my friends for a little while, then they’d take us out to a different class. And the intentions of all of that were great, but it still speaks to the heart because the enemy is aiming for my heart. Doesn’t matter how good the school’s intentions were. The enemy found my button pretty early on. We all went to church. And I remember at church, all I saw were people walking around carrying books. Books were everywhere. Reading was everywhere. There was no escape from it.
The first thing the enemy tells you is that you have a problem.
The second thing he tells you is that you’re the only one with a problem, and you better keep it quiet because there’s no way out. And if darkness can keep you isolated, there’s no way out of that. And that’s where I was. There wasn’t anybody to go to talk about it. About 19 is when everything hit dark for me. I built my life around a girl, and I did what all the movies said. I know I did what all the cool kids said. And they didn’t tell me that when you build your life around a person and the person leaves, you don’t have a life anymore.
Those were days that I almost did not make it through. And I remember being in my friend’s car. And he was in a store, and he had a gun in his car. And the only reason I did not end my life in his car is that I didn’t want to mess up his car. That’s where my life got. But I knew at that moment I’m done.
The Turning Point
And I remember going home and there were a few nights, I was an artist, so I would draw. That’s all I could do. And I would just draw these dark things. When I would draw, I would listen to this classic rock station, all this music about romance and girls and everything going wrong and jump-off-a-bridge kind of stuff. It was perfect.
But there’s a program on Sunday nights and it was called “Power For Today.” A day where we look in God’s word for today. I mean, it was so corny. And these guys, they weren’t cool.
So somehow two pastors in Montgomery, Alabama just decided they were going to buy some radio time. And people would call into the station. And I don’t know why I’d never heard it this way before because there’s no way my church wasn’t telling me this, but you don’t hear it until you’re ready to hear it.
Life situations, they’re showing them scripture and saying, “This is what God says. God says we can ask for wisdom in James. So let’s start asking for wisdom for that. Let’s look in Philippians. Philippians says that Paul is telling us to have joy, but he’s telling us that from prison, Jan. Jan, you can have joy where you are even though it’s in a dark place.” And I’d never heard that, and I became glued to that, and I began looking up those verses. And that was some of the first times I ever got into God’s word for myself. And that started changing things.
I needed to know what God thought about me.Mark Hall of Casting Crowns
What does Jesus think about me? I know what everybody else thinks about me.
I’ve gotten all the labels. I’ve got all the diagnoses. I’m not going to ever have a job. I’m never going to really get anything done. This is just me. Jesus, I need you to tell me who I am. I’d get up the next day, and I was just as much of a train wreck the next day as I was the day before. But I wasn’t alone anymore because I knew he was with me, and that started changing me.
The lies are always there. Our feelings are always going to be louder than the truth. I’m going to walk in here in a little while, and that room is going to be full of people. I will see the people who don’t want to be there first. I will not see people cheering and yelling and going, “This is the coolest thing ever.” All I see is the guy that’s dozing off. That’s how I’m wired it. It’s an unfortunate thing.
Your feelings are valid. But it doesn’t mean they’re true.
So when I come to the Lord, I come to him with my feelings. And as I let God start speaking truth into my feelings, I start seeing that my feelings are valid, but that doesn’t make them true. I’ve got to start walking in what God says about me, instead of what my mirror says about me, and what other people say about me. That is what started changing me.