The craziest decision Natalie Grant’s ever made…
Natalie Grant is a Grammy Award-winning Christian music artist who has been open about her struggles with anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. In this video, she shares her story and the way that God redeemed it all in an incredibly honest talk.
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Natalie Grant Transcription:
You’re such a fraud. Like you, you don’t even believe the songs you’re singing.
When I was in my bed and couldn’t fully care for my daughter. Um, and couldn’t get out of bed. Um, Ugh. It’s, it’s amazing when you talk about it, how it can kind of take you back there for a minute.
After the birth of my third daughter, Sadie, I struggled with postpartum depression. that postpartum depression kind of turned into just an overall depression and I struggled with it for about 18 months. I remember one of the things I feel like kept me in that place for so long was the shame attached to it.
And I really noticed this starting to set in, as I became a mom, I struggle with fear, anxiety, you know, regularly. And it plays itself out in different ways. I like to know what the outcomes are gonna be. And when I don’t know what an outcome is gonna be, I find that it, it causes me anxiety.
But when it shows up, it’s that like, even now talking about it, I feel like my heart is beginning to pound a little bit because, um, if you’ve ever had a panic attack, you try to talk yourself off the ledge as you feel your heart starting to race. And for me, my, my palms begin to sweat. And when that panic sets in my hands become paralyzed and I can’t, it’s like they’re clawed up like this and I can’t force them to to relax and to unfold.
And I try to tell myself all the things, but once that thing kicks in, um, you kind of feel like you don’t know how you’re gonna make it through to the other side.
And I remember making a decision that in the moment felt like the craziest decision ever. And that was to be honest, and to just start talking about it. Um, becuase at that point I felt like, what do I have to lose?
I find so much healing when I give it voice. And when you keep it private, I kind of feel like the enemy of our souls loves when we keep things inside and keep things silent because that’s when his whisper is loud. And when you’re not listening to anybody else’s voice or anybody else’s input, the lies of the enemy just seem to get louder and louder and louder. And the moment that I opened the door to the conversation, that is what began to show me that I’m not alone.
That so many people are not only struggling, but struggling in silence, because feel like what a fraud, what a fake… Lack of faith.
You’re, you know, not a good Christian, all of these things that we put on ourselves that are actually not found in the word of God. And the reason we need Jesus is because we’re broken. It’s our broken condition that makes us aware of, of our need for him.
The other stuff is actually religion and walking through depression for me was a moment that I feel like I was healed from, I got to the other side of. And so when I look at that anxiety and worry and panic, I times say, Lord, but why aren’t I on the other side of it” Like you brought me through depression. And I felt like, oh man, I feel like I have a different authority to even speak about it because I feel like I’m on the other side of it.
And sometimes when it comes to this, I feel like I can keep talking about the fact that I’m struggling with it and you have to kind of get to the place where you’re okay with that. You’re okay with… Okay. Sometimes I’m gonna panic. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love Jesus.
And it for sure doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love me.
I don’t know. All I know is I need him. I can’t make it every day without him. And in my weakness, his strength is made perfect.